seriously after my computer desk is moved... i been seriously lagging slacking and becoming more lazy... there goes my email again... what have i gain?

if i get someone to be with? will i regret?
how to get someone who truly love you but pretty then plus i like...

haizzz... forget it i leave it to god and my mood on that time...
everyone is leading their own way while i am just wasting time...

kyle got his wife
richie got his ns
i actually got someone.. but i dont want...

y? its becos i held my head too high then i would want to bow down to them once?
i am so changed... i am not the marshal i used to already after she broke up with me

can someone pls find my lost soul...
girlssss jia you jia you one day u will win my heart...

Ni
Bo
Ti
Sh
Ju
Em
Jo

wah nnb sibei haolian...
so many girl..

haiya if one of u all read my blog pls give up on me... thanks...
hopeless.

What am i thinking?

i am lost again...
i miss out chances
there is time when girls call me out.. and hopefully intro their girls to me so at least i am attached..

but why am i so a letdown... she is a nice girl then somemore pretty also then i dont want ar?
Thailand girl also dont want
malaysia girl also dont want
singapore girl also hiam..
die la.. i will die single...

today is the day she came back from hongkong...
guess i am thinking too much again...
though of planning of a surprize together with her sis..
but her sis is busy... there goes the chance..

how about me myself only picking her up at the airport?
well maybe i am thinking too much.. i am now just a normal friend or just an ex boyfriend..
then need to apply leave go pick her up?
why the action now i do didnt came out when we are still together?
such a letdown...

i am so strong headed but weak inside.. want to go airport single pick her up but scare disapointment... tot of getting her the soya tart but haiz.. whyyyy whyyy the things i thinking of doing... is just just after the break up....

been looking at her pictures... she moved on but i didnt...

i feel so lost now...
friendless...
my best friend is my blog...

i been escaping...
i wish i can do something...

anyway one of my bros, bought himself a car liao... envious ler...but i dont know whether is he suffering? he really no money liao... then his gf is teacher should have money lor... dont know got help him or not...

but nevermind la... why should i care?

DAMM this hour i still got time to edit my blog and change the blog...
where is my priorty??

Presentation 29 April
Flying - 30 april to 5th May
Assisgnment deadline is 9 May
Dinner is 9 may(School)
Dinner is 10 may(company)

WAH another worry again... will i fail this module or not!?!?!
wahhh 2 module more to go
1 module havent reached the safe level...

So near but yet so far to my graduation...
YESH!!!! i going to be a Degree Grad !!!

and thru this whole experiences i tell u.... i lower my expectation...
dont think will take my masters... or Executive MBA la...
cossss i dont know i am lazy la...

This year also may not be a good year for me at the start...
there is certain decesion i made in life that may be wrong...

i quit my job in Singapore Computer Systems...
SCS to everyone is a very well reputable company and i have chances to be one of the leaders in the company...

Good luck to my new job...!!!
been working for about 2 months in the company already...
hope i am happy in that job la...

i am finishing my 3rd year soon... i am graduating...
another major decesion in life... that determine me that i should leave this country...

i still dont know whether its good to be outside... as i know there is someone behind supporting me....

yes change my blog skin... as the previous blogskins is just specially change for someone which i wish to pursue back.. but oh well due to busy times... dont think it will change much either...

letting her go may be a better chance... she is more happier than she is now rather then me pulling her down...

oh well i am simply enjoy my single life now too...
i hope i can forget the year 2007... its indiciate the great fall of my entire life...

i managed to pick up myself and able to see whats ahead of me...

well its 5am now..

feel that there is something undone...
smack myself at my face and hope i can think normal..
starting to miss my old friends....

i am so afraid to go back to the dark periods...
with thomas...
but going with them can just sell off my bike liao...
cos they are just like wandereres
i going back becos not of the girls..
oh yea they have really nice girls there.. 2 models somemore...
but go back becos of the accompany lor...
but not sure i will still suit to their requirement or not...
staying late all night and sleeping in the day...

2nd thing is i am losing interest in my bike....
dont know what happen... i tot of getting a X9 or a silverwing
scooter with auto gear and big spacious box.. sudden change right...
well i hope after my coe finish then see lor.. very hope to drive a car but like cannot tahan the prices..

3rd i going to find something that can waste my time so i will not find bad accompany to be with me... to be frank i am with this current bad accompany.. its really unhealthy la.. somemore waste so much money...

well just hope i tired myself so i can sleep again till afternoon.. haha

well its going to be end of the first month of the 2008 already... ever tot of putting this blog to private and only me myself can view it.. but what for.. seldom updates and lots of rubbish.. which doesnt interest people..

been reflecting myself and been thinking through for sometime.. its such a long time i have time to think and review myself... i have always been very busy working and studying, drinking to forget my sad misery...

from the moment i lost her... i feel a great sense of loneliness.. especially when at night when i need to talk to someone.. there is no one to talk with... dont have many friends out there and my best pals all in aussie and malaysia...

she left me for good cos i feel that i dont treat her good enough.. after breakup called her a few times... and one time when i feel so stressed up i cry and broke down on the phone with her making her tears again... why am i like this???
why i cant accept the truth she has left me and its been sometime already...

i have lost something really dear... now with the calls i made to her now... she sounds so uninterested in me and she rather look forward and she hope she will not be with me anymore...

from the tone of her voice, i feel extreme disappointment... she's grown up liao... she starts to think already.. she now starting to look forward.. while i am now the one reflecting backwards...
how i wish i can be like her look forward...

whats wrong being single again?? nothing wrong right?
i have lost a few nice girls and she been one of my most deared and loved precious have taken over the memories of faye... i have little impression of faye in my mind already... all i see is her now...

i want to stop being foolish and hope she would be back again...
after eugene came back from aussie, i spend some quality time with him...
yes he knew about it, but he cant help much also..
he still recalled the first time eugene see hers at her house community centre...
hes putting a side bet that i am toying with her... but never i did ever want to toy with her heart...

she used to asked me this question... will u hurt me? will u break up with me?... i give her the confident that i will never leave her... but in the end she will leave me like what i expected already...

i know its sweet of me sometime to treat her really good but it seems that the bad things i done have haunt her and dissapoint her again and again...

i am not writing out for her to view it... its just sometimes i got no place to vent out...

in my heart i wished that she could come back so my pain inside will ease a little
but for reality sake... pls dont come back to me and hurt me again..
if she really want to come back with me... i be contented... and if she hurt me again..
doubt i would be living this world again..

its just the misery and pain i suffered.... the treatment my parents have been treating me...
yes no one believe me... have i ever cry out wolf? when there is no wolf??

why someone just dont believe me...
great such life i lead now... i suffering with pain...
its going to be one yr after my accident... the pain is haunting me again
as i expected its a frature waist, none of them bother... so why should i bother...

i am someone with no tomorrow... without any targets and without any goals...
let me be a useless fool and hope i wasted my life soon...

2007 is overall a bad bad year for me...

an accident in april
broke up with my girlfriend
seen thru friends showing his true colours
actually realising the true friends are just only a few while the rest are just useless.

After been thru all that... 2008 is a new year for me...
This is what my resolution for the new year.

- Make people want me rather than i want them.
- Look forward and not the past.
- if u dont listen, no point in repeating, i will just ignore you. i hate to repeat now.
-I care my business first then i care yours.

these are just brief statements. for once i am back to single and the only thing i have to do now is to believe in myself and strive.
Practically, i got no aims and mission, but if i have one its personal.

Wishlist for 2008
-seems more forcus on this one - Losing Weight -
- 5k
- Phone
- Watch
- Shoe

forget about upgrading, forget about big bikes, forget about class 2...
forget about getting a car...

forgetting about getting this things will naturally make me happy. cos dont have the burden..
happily living day by day

Yes, I am in my final yr of studies...
seriously thinking of advancing Masters but not so soon...

Financial still unsteady...
Been very troubled lately...

though of switching jobs... as my current job is boring
though of upgrading to class 2.. but fear of upgrading bike which is most likely to be a hayabusa
saving up for the meanwhile for nothing... but i think most likely saving for cars...

just hoping that next year comes fast...
this yr is really a bad year for me...
still lots of outstanding...

my insurance claims,
my savings for bikes,
my cpf investment.
my savings for car.
and my ability to study for masters.
how about a stable job first?

hmmm hmm thats it for now

lifes been a reporter and jounarlist or photographer is so interesting... they been catching riots, real live scene but you are so safe when you are at home. Just a stray bullet will end some reporter's life and monks life. is it worth it? some news much later is korean going to iraq for some mission end up been held as hostage... tho 2 died.. the talibans are kind enough to talk out terms and release the rest. whats the meaning i trying to get the reader to understand?

No matter what good deeds or bad deeds you done... you must accept for what you are in now. you cant say no choice or that's fate....

Why girls turn to KTV girls or even PROs in geylang? do they have a choice.. oh come on they choose their path.. no one force them to be one.. they are willing to do it for survival or trying to get the easier way out... with much prettier looks, they can be models... they just dont want to do the hard work..

Getting used to my new workplace
but the reason is whether i want to stay till next april or october or even tot of leaving soon.
life's is pretty easy at my new workplace. not much workload for me new job scope or its just bascially i am new...

hope i can adapt to this new enviroment... and enjoy my single life...
well its quite sad that i have plenty of time now but no one to accompany me... guess i have little friends..

i am always alone now... but i dont blame anyone for that, guess its a learning process.. perhaps she'll come back to me one day or perhaps i found new love by then?

but now i just focus on my bike study and work.. thats all
dont want to think so much

make a lot of friends again... i will balance out again...
she would still be my priority friends as eugene is leaving next week
been together for 4 yrs, leave me a lot of memories... no matter what she does its not about love anymore... its about concern liao.. she still important to me but i wish her all my best ^__^
as long i am single, the doors is always to open... just wouldnt want to think that she will come back to me, i just treat it as if is. my mind feels better after i think this way..

Well its time to love myself...
cos i always believe before u love others, u have to love yourself first...
but i dont whether i am deceiving myself or not
i now love myself more than last time cos i realise i now spending more that i earn
yes i got my 2 desire cards 1 more maybank debit card to go...

Whats on my shopping list?
Wallet - so i can slot in more cards and one of her photo, which i really like
One OGK Helmet
One Arai / Shoei Helmet
Black Bird
More Shirt, More Clothes

What i gonna do?
Really Lose weight
Graduate then get a good job/ Graduate then go austrlia for my Masters
for the time being - Study Study Study
who care about my work now.. JUST fuck it
No more work in SMU liao..
simi work i just hack it...
la la la la

Studyyyyyyyy

Damm...
After the Break up
i seems to be drinking more...

just realised that i had just
Finished 2 chivas
1 red wine
1 Jack Daniel
At least 30 jug of Tiger Beer
5 jug of Singha Beer
6 cans of tiger

for the period of 1 month...

i need to control...

as mentioned, i was feeling down the whole night
but someone did cheer me up yesterday...
it was kyle who came back from china
he's in town for reservice. we went to newton eat
ritchie pillion him..

we have a long long chat..
kyle did asked about my girl...
i was true enough to tell him we broke off...
i was siding her all the time and kyle was saying haiyo i know you la.
you always treat ur loves one so good till she take it for granted.. now drop standard of cos she dont want la... i told him he was wrong.. i neglect her and she just want a life of her own..
then kyle was like aiya 4 yrs together then after that break up means she comfirm like other guys or find other guys better than me and indirectly says that she fit better guys la...

kyle was encouraging enough he told me that i would get better girls... he also say that i should be normal, dont need to specially do sweet things, if not she will expected more... i also didnt think much.. i told him truthfully that i will wait... then he was like WAIT can wait but at least make myself some chances to other girls as well...

i probably is not ready for a new relationship cos seriously i would be unfair to the girl as i would be treating her as replacement... yes i did make friends new friends.. no other special relationship..

tomorrow and the following day would be the interview, i just need to go for 1 of them... i am still doubting that whether this is a good chance for me to progress or whether i should stay at smu still i gratuate...

would be doing my resume up soon

yes today i called her up
tot of meeting her and soon bian pay bike installment
yea meeting her is my first priorty where i can pay my bike installment anyday
so i called her up i was so happy that she's meeting me for lunch

reached bukit merah.. just about to call her ask her where is she...
saw 3 missed called, i was thinking that she was about to tell me where to meet her.. or ask me where am i liao cos she misses me also.

in the end i was thinking too much, i called her and she says her boss is meeting her for lunch also so cant meet up. losing appetitde after that, i feel that sometimes when i see her i dont need to eat anything u know... now she's not meeting me, where got mood to do things further?

was feeling down the whole day... i would sum up that

Going for happiness
coming back disappointted.

dont know why times and times she sometime indirectly hurt me i feel the pain but i dont mind that she's the one who is hurting me. times and times i be reminding myself, that i must avoid her to lessen my miserable...

last sunday hugs was the tighest and i did not waste any chances on expressing myself anymore...

i dont know how long it gonna last.. i hope my love for u will die sooner.
Enjoy ur HK trip..
take care..



Always Waiting

Yessssss
its friday...
finally matriculation has ended...
today was pretty busy was just like collecting pc and move it to the store,
busy at the conference hall for the exchange students.
busying ta baoing food for my collegues after the event then
matriculation got so many problem. user cannot access ar, user database not added,
server down all this.
then keep the pc is tiring.

During the matriculation,
there is around 300 exchange students all around the world,
get to know some thai students
4 from thamaatsat university and 2 from chula uni
yes knew them the 4 student from tmt uni is much more friendier
than the 2 chula uni.

out of the 4 student from tht uni
2 share a room in a hdb flat, another 2 stay in hostel.

the 2 chula uni students stay at some condo at orchard, by their apperance they were a bit proud and arrogrant but never judge its book by its cover.

knew 1 holland student as well, she is chinese, but her parents is god damm rich that they migrated over and study there... well she is the type of girl i like, but her charactor and attitude is so so worst, her friends was like saying holland got bf liao here u also got bf... she was like aiyo temporary bf only. seen her bf at a later time and that guy is from other country which happen to be exchange to smu as well. he's those cute cute type from japan..

today work till late, then meet with ah yeong...
then go pump petrol.. then now at home..

need to sleep already as tomorrow need to work early and end late again.. then after that go my bike friend eugene birthday... will update more if i can

yea blog @ work
have some spare free time to blog...
should be free till friday if i stay here to handle this particular event
stomach still not very good...
tonight got class as usual
life still resume normal being single
did not think much as i got myself plenty of things to do

Things to do
1) Enrol bigger bike
2) pack up my room
3) pay my bike installment
4) to put my new electronic carpark disc to my bike
5) pack up room
6) study
7) service bike
8) email - clearing
9) game
10) read up news/jobs/new info

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i want to make new glasses soon,
i want to buy new phone, as my phone now keep hanging and keep shutting off and restarting

no matter what.. just live happy

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hope i have enough of sleep every night..
and hope i recover soon

LEO's Horoscope

Leos are typically pictured as very dignified and regal. They are hard-working, ambitious and enthusiastic, however they are prone to laziness and can often take "the easy way out."

The downside to a Leo is usually their pride. Due to this, they are sometimes prone to being conceited, jealous, snobbish, boastful, overbearing with a disdain for those under them.
Due to their positive nature, they are typically very gullible and tend to believe the best will happen. When it doesn't, they are prone to depression, may react nastily to affronts and could be deeply hurt by malice and hostility. If faced with negative situations Leos are also known to react with extreme confidence, which can get them into even more trouble. They are typically very sexual creatures and highly attracted to the partners of their choosing.

how true is it?
anyway going to sleep...

food posioning
feverish
weak
in pain

dont know what to do...
called her but dont want to make her worry
but i feel better.

in bed till my project mates call me to do project
ytd rejected some friends to go out cos of the pain

i dont know what will happen later... i should rest more

National day,

just came back from JB, pump petrol and wash bike...
woke up late... they already left for A&W

had lunch with eugene at bukit timah...
the fried ice-cream stall... however bring me back the happy memories...
the times we spend together eating the fried ice cream there...
the 2nd time is when i was rushing there to da bao the fried ice cream
it just takes 15 min from my house to -> that shop to ta bao fried ice cream -> to her house
no body knows right?

as i sit at the coffeeshop, i look across bukit timah plaza...
thinking of that western stall that serve fish and chip...
xiao long bao there, and the jewellery ornaments shop...

so feel like crying as memories always hurt me...
eating tim sum in malaysia also make me sad..
going to malacca also remind me of her...

almost everywhere also got memories...
truthfully, i miss you ^___^

wish me luck so i can really look forward to my new life..
i am always the cheerful me,
^__^

Reached home 4am yesterday
Went to watch late night movies with collegues.
collegues were good enough to intro me girl to me.
but i have no interest at all... the point is i dont want to get a new relationship so soon.
what's the points actually? i dont need girls to survive.
i am contented enough that i have my friends around.. tho

Cathay Cinema is hot, feeling uncomfortable..
sweating... after cinema went to NUS prata eat then go home...

saw those bikers...
make me think of upgrading ^__^
get a 4 wheeler or pursue my dream bike first?

Kill me